I am spending my child support on dildos
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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