Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
