508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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