I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
