So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
