i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
