Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
