I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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