I cockslap morals
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
