and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
