She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
