WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
