why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
