Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
