Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
