Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
