Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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