You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
