I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
