Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
