I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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