New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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