miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
