I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
