Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My penis needs a shock collar
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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