Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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