I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
