wat bout pragnant strippers??
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize