so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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