boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize