I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
