theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
