It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
