Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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