what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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