shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
