Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize