I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
