Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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