woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
