i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
