The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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