Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
