420 ftw
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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