google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
