If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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