two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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