Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
