I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
