I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize