it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
