She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
