We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
