Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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