i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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