Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
