i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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