I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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