Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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