i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
