My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
