We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
