...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
