i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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