I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
