I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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