my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
