i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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