my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize