Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Randomize