you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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