ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
