you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
