before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
