The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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