dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
worst night to have a conscience
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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