yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
