3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
