Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
