theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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