yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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