He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wish I only lived at night.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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