but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
