Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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