Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
