This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
