ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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