Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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