You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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