i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My vagina is officially offended.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
