i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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