you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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