Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
