my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
her facebook's as public as her vagina
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
