Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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