Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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