How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
