I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
