I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
