he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
