Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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