Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
