I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize