White coat. Heels.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
