I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
