Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
