How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
