I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we're making bets on your personal life
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
