Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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