Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize