dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
