I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
